I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Your penis caused this!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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