Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
