Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
