Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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