Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
