He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
