My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize