I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
