There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.