You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
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Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
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I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
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