I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
