totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
