I cockslap morals
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Randomize
