God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
now i know why i became what i already was.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover