Apparently you make a good broom.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It's blow job season.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
