I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
