Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
