I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
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