so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
