new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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