i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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