I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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