is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
