I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
