3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
