finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Come share oat with me in your robe
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I think people are normalizing furries
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
