He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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