Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
