she kept yelling 'call me bella'
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
