my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
