I'm lost and stupid without you.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
