I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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