Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
