is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
