i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
