You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
