Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
