Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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