watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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