what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
