thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Randomize
