this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
This beer is not sobering me up at all
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
So much rum. So many feels.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I need water and some morals
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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