who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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