Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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