Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize