I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
do nipples grow back?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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