Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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