I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize