i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
