look no pants
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
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I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
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Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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