I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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