dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
