My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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