So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Barsexuality is the new black.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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