Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
