I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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