Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
