I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
