between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize