I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
