Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
