Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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