I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
