I need to stop coming to work sober
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
should my penis look like a turkey
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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